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Why Stay at a hostel in the States? To Get Laid!

When most Americans think of hostels, they think of backpacking through Europe or South America, bed bugs, and cheap accommodations. When I think of hostels, I think about banging international women on my home soil and doing the same internationally. I visited Waikiki Beach, Honolulu, Hawaii recently and stayed at a hostel for a week. If you stay at a hotel in Waikiki Beach, you are looking at $250+ per night. I prefer to save that money and stay at a local hostel for $20 per night. The remaining $230 I save on the hotel? You guessed it… that gets spent on booze, condoms, and smokes. The great thing about hostels, besides being cheap, is that you meet open minded travelers from all around the world. Usually, you run into solo travelers and girls traveling in groups. These women are looking to make bad decisions with strange men since they are on their international walkabout.

Why should we limit these sorts of interactions to when we travel to another continent? Fuck that, Visit a hostel in your own city and bang some tourists!

When you stay at a hostel you can either pay a little more for a private room or you can save some money and stay in the “dormitories”. The benefit of the private room is obvious, you get to take a girl home and hook up without bothering anybody. The benefit of staying in the dorms is that you meet more people and network. This can be crucial if you are staying at the rare hostel without a big public drinking area. When you stay at the hostel, you get the benefit of drinking and pre-partying with a group of other people who are there to party and see sites. Generally, they are on a budget, so there is a solid pre-party at the hostel so everyone saves money. This is a huge benefit and you can easily set yourself up for getting laid.

The hostel Honolulu was huge with a couple hundred dorms (each one being a small two bedroom apartment. My dorm had two rooms with four bunkbeds total, and no bedroom doors (to prevent people from having sex in the hostel). There was an outdoor patio and a shared bathroom/shower. I came out of the shower and saw I had a new roommate in our room, a cute Asian girl. She barely spoke English but said she was half Japanese and half Colombian. So, we communicated in my broken Spanish for a little while. We asked what we did for work and I said I was a standup comedian. Whenever there is a girl that doesn’t speak English, I can always say I was a professional comedian because I have a video on youtube of me crushing it in a set in front of about 500 people. They think I’m famous. I played her the video and she said: “Wow, they like you”. I knew I was in. She asked about any restaurants in the area and I said I didn’t know, but that I was hungry too, so we should go explore. We got some takeout and a couple bottles of wine and went to Waikiki Beach to eat and drink.

Tip #1 For Sleeping With Girls That Don’t Speak English

Going through each other’s Facebook pages together is a great way for them to feel like they got to know you. Of course, A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words. She sees you with friends and family, doing fun stuff, and she can really get a sense of your personality. If you have any really funny pictures, show them and it will be something you can bond over. She will be excited to show you her Facebook and Instagram pages too. Whatever you see, pretend to be interested and impressed. Lots of “ooohs” and “ahhhhs”, thumbs ups and laughs because this nonverbal communication is universal across all languages.

Tip#2 For Sleeping With Girls That Don’t Speak English

While you are on your phone, you can use Google Translate anywhere in the world that has wifi. It doesn’t work perfectly because a lot of times there isn’t a direct translation for what you are saying and different cultures affect translations, but it’s much better than nothing.

This is what I did with the Colombian/Japanese girl on the beach. We were drinking, eating, going through each other’s Facebook pictures, and laughing. This was enough for me to close the deal!

I asked if she wanted to go back to the hostel and have another bottle of wine. We stopped at the minimart, grabbed a bottle of wine, and went back up to the room. At this time, there were new roommates in the dorm that were in their bunk beds so we went to the back patio and started drinking and smoking in a couple of patio chairs. I had to make a move so I leaned over, told her she was beautiful and asked if she was my future girlfriend. She laughed and said yes. I went for the kiss and she was responsive so I went for more. I asked “Quiere? Quiere?” which means “Do you want? Do you want?”. She said “Si”, “Yes”. We banged on the patio. Unfortunately, the bathroom window was open and we woke up the German roomates. Some chick came into the bathroom and started banging the doors around to let us know to shut up. The Japanese girl got embarrassed and wanted to stop since we were just caught having sex in public. Clearly, the Japanese are a convervative culture.

She left for another town the next day and love was lost. But in my opinion, if you have sex but don’t bust a nut, you still had sex.

To Sum It Up

Long story short, stay at hostels instead of hotels, pre-party at the hostel common areas to save money and meet more tourists, use Google Translate to communicate if she doesn’t speak English, use Facebook to show off your personality and continue to break down language barriers, remember that alcohol is loved in any language, and bang your little hearts out on a public patio. Remember that you don’t need to be in a different country to live the traveler lifestyle.

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